i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
