How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
