This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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