Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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