I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
