Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
