It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
