just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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