oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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