Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
