why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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