i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
