he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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