I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
