I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
