No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
