So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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