Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
