Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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