Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
