he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
