I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
