I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How does one acquire holy water?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
