She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
