goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
