your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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