i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
