he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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