we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
