I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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