Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
