Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
