Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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