1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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