i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
