dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
