I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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