How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
