best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
