i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
