Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
