Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
