Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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