did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
