What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
