I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
