I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
