I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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