I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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