So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
